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AcousticWinter 35, Female, Arizona, USA - 23 entries

Nov 2006
6:21 PM EDT

She opened up messenger and read the message. "Just so you know, there's a 99% chance I can't go on Thanksgiving. Sorry. ttyl." This is the one she chose. Instead of chosing the guy who, despite living on the oposite side of the country, is always there for her, she chose this one. The one who, in her mind, is always there. She knew she had made the wrong decision when she chose him but she didn't care. She could see him every day if she wanted to. Well...at least she thought so. Instead of being there for her, she chose the guy who is never around. He's never online, he's never on the phone, he never seems to care. He only cares if she's with him physically. Why did she make that decision? She can never get the other one back now...not after the arguement they had. She sat in her corner and sighed. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him walking toward her. "What's the matter?" He asked. She looked away so he couldn't notice her blinking away tears. "Nothing..." she mumbled. He knew something was wrong but tried not to pry. "You sure?" He asked again. "It depends on who I'm talking to. In your case, yes." She had always had a problem with letting her anger out. She usually wound up letting it out on other people, especially the ones she loved. "Okay..." She immediately caught her mistake. "It's not something that I want to talk to a guy about...especially you. Sorry." She did it again but didn't care. She'd make up a lie to fix things like she usually does. "Alright," he turned to walk away. "Now go do what the others did. Get offended or mad and walk away." 'Why do I do this to myself?' She thought, 'I always make things worse...' "No...it's not that." He stopped walking, "It was the 'especially you.' That hurt." "Exactly." 'Damn it. I'm doing it again.' She wanted to bang her head againt the wall but she didn't. He might know she was lying. "Fine. Whatever. I'm sorry for even asking." He started walking away agian. "Exactly what the others did. Talk to you later." she leaned her head back and closed her eyes expecting him to have left already but she immediately opened her eyes and sat up again at the sound of his voice. "Well what did you expect me to do? I know you won't tell me." The tone of his voice showed anger and annoyance but she could sense a slight hint of worry. "The exact same thing the others did. That's exactly what I expected you to do...though I had hoped otherwise." another lie. She had expected him to try harder to get the information from her. Even though she wasn't planning on telling him, she found it a sign that he cared when he tried to figure out what was wrong. Plus, she thought of him as a cat. He was always curious about something. She had definately not expected him to give up so easily. Apparently, he didn't notice that she had lied. "Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do when you shove me away." Again, she sensed the worry in his voice. He didn't seem to be trying to hide it this time. "Just stop. I don't want to get into another fight," she sighed and added, "I'm pushing everyone away. So please just leave me alone. There's only one person I want to talk to right now." That wasn't a lie. What he didn't know is that he was the one she wanted to be talking to. It pained her to think that he didn't care anymore. Even though she knew deep down that he still loved her as much as ever, there was a part of her that was telling her how angry he was that she chose another guy over him. "Okay." This time he did walk away. When he left, she said nothing more to anyone, not even her own father. She just sat there and cried. She cried about her boyfriend who didn't care about her. She cried about the one she could have had. She cried about the love of her life that she lost because of distance...and because she listened to common sense instead of her heart. She realizes that when it comes to love, acts of the heart come over acts of common sense and she hated herself for not seeing it before. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to get my decisions rubbed in my face," she said, looking away. "Yeah...I understand." She wanted more than ever to lash out on him and yell, "Yeah, don't pretend you do because I know you don't." She never believed that he understood her like he says he does. Still, instead of lashing out, she managed to keep it in and simply whispered back, "Yeah..."

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Nov 2006
2:53 PM MST

I still haven't heard from my inlaws! I am pretty hurt they haven't invited me to Thanksgiving... as I found out from someone else they ARE having it at their house this year and did't let me know! I am sure they are talking bad about me and my "new man" I am sure I am a "fluzy",,, I was never good enough for their precious baby and I guess I'm still NOT! I would kind of like them to accuse me of something or try to "blame me" as I might come un-glued and "let em have it!" CN has been nothing but wonderful help and support for me! where the hell have they been and specially where have DB's brothers been! I am so hurt they have made NO attempt to come over here, offer to help or even try to spend time with their nephews! AGH! I am trying to "be the better person" and NOT talk bad about them but it is tough. I am going to CN's and his sisters for Thanksgiving because my inlaws haven't invited me yet and I am so mad at them right now I probably can't be around them and "be nice", besides,,, CN wants me to come with him and he deserves US!!! He WANTS US!!!! unlike my dead husbands family! THe boys and I went to Koda's ball game tonight, her mom said, THANKS for coming, more than her dad can do, he still hasn't showed up for 1 game yet" SO, if he can't even show up for his own daughters basketball games how can I expect him to see us!!! I am still missing DB so much, I have been lovin on my boys and praying over them so much lately! I am so blessed to have them! I need them! I am thankful for my boys, my brother & his family, my parents, my wondeful friends and co-workers,,, lots of people have invited me for Thanksgiving! I am so blessed to have them ALL!!! AND-- I love them ALL!!!!

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Jane 58, Female, Wyoming, USA - 50 entries

Nov 2006
5:21 AM EDT

Just trying the picture thing again. J

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Jane 58, Female, Wyoming, USA - 50 entries

Nov 2006
5:13 AM EDT

Pretty soon I will be continuing on my NASCAR pursuit. Since I got back from Charlotte in October I have really been focusing 100% on the work at the store. It has been a lot of fun working on the Heat and Eat project and I wanted to enjoy that time. But now if I am serious about finding work for the next race season I need to start focusing on that. In the next week or so I will be following up with anyone who said “they know someone in Charlotte” and putting together a list of people I could meet with will I am down there. I will be leaving for Charlotte some time after Dec 3rd and I am planning to stay for about two weeks. I will then head back to Wisconsin for the Holidays and to complete packing up my stuff to go into storage. After the 1st I will move on a permanent basis and continue the job hunt. Okay – I can stop writing now because my coffee pot is done doing it’s thing. I have to stay in the kitchen and watch it because I am tired of it over flowing. It has a very poor design and the filters tend to fall down and clog the top and before you know it you have coffee all over the kitchen!! It think that coffee pot will find a new home when I am packing up to move. Happy Thoughts, J

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ABMScheergrl 30, Female, Virginia, USA - 37 entries

Nov 2006
5:12 AM EDT

yea im better and now im going back 2 buffalo and i dont get 2 watch wrestling in da car and suxs horse shit

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dave 50, Male, Arizona, USA - 14 entries

Nov 2006
4:46 AM EDT

DAMN, I haven't had this empty feeling in my heart for a long time. This morning at work I could slowly feel that feeling that I had months ago when I was having my cry in a corner feeling. So much that I pu on myself and then when not expected I start hurting inside over everything. I get really dipressed. Maybe the country music I listen at work doesn't help my head from keeping everthing inside where I want to keep it. The good thing is that I dont have these hurt feeling like I use to at least once a day, then it was once a week and now maybe once a month, thanks to Lisa, love you baby. SHe had made me strong but at the same time I have brought her down. sorry baby. You deserve SOOOO much and some times I feel I am not providing that. daleen i hate you for doing this to my heart and the kids. I wish I could just wal away and never see you again. I hurts too much to bwe near you and be nice. I do beter when I am mad. It makes it easier to deal with. Kitty and Ty I love so much. God I hope they don't get too affected my all of this. well, another day and hopefully some good news for EVERYONE! GOD LOOK ON ME! I need the strength!!!!

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sublettt30 71, Female, Texas, USA - 66 entries

Nov 2006
4:40 PM EDT

I just joined some other sites where I am enjoying writing into blogs.http://www.wiredberries.com/userprofile.php? u=sublett30 Check this out

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Danigirlworm 34, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 6 entries

Nov 2006
4:36 PM EDT

Be yourself not someone else.

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Magoo 42, Female, Washington, USA - 4 entries

Nov 2006
12:25 PM PST

I am very frusterated. I dropped my cell phone tonight while I was making dinner and broke it. It is brandnew, too! Today was okay. I worked all day. We only had one member show up to the meeting, hopefully next week and quarter we will get more peple to attend them. I am really excited for what this group can do for campus and truely hope that it works out. I still haven't gotten any Christmas shopping done and it's getting way to close. My family hasn't called me about Thanksgiving, so I am going to still spend it with my sweet roomate. She is so kind hearted. I worry about my other friend, I hope that her holidays away from her family go well. Not that if she would have been home, they would have because I have a feeling either way they would have been rough. I also hope that things with another friend work out. She has a lot going on in her life and it only keeps getting crazier. I still have so much to do before the end of the quarter, paperwork, projects, tests, campus stuff, yikes! Man, I really want to take some time out for me and do soemthing fun, snowboarding, horseback riding, the possabilities are endless. Sorry all, I can't spell and don't care to take the time to do so. Also, this person I was hanging out with wont call back so that's done, laughing. I dropped my myspace account today because I hate how it works, yuck. It turns out my old church group likes the paster and I am not sure that I care for her, but oh well, not everyone likes everyone they are in contact with, right? Right. Well, I'm going to sleep early tonight.

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AguilarBaby 47, Female, Washington, USA - 50 entries

Nov 2006
11:12 AM PST

Today I got to hear you for the first time...your dad and I were breathless. It has been quite a journey to this time and we are quite excited. We are looking forward to our next visit to the doctor so maybe we can see you. Well enough for today we love you and keep growing. Love Always Mom & Dad

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